On Pain and Heartbreak

Sometimes I wish I was one of those people, the kind I secretly hate, the kind who have never really felt true pain or heartbreak in life. They live such a naive existence, it's something I'm nauseating by, yet extremely jealous of. I wish I could have their mentality. I wish I could just be happy, have nothing aching inside me. But at the same time I don't.

I feel like part of being an adult is to know pain. There was a quote I once read, I have it saved somewhere, that went something like, "the definition of childhood is a life yet touched by tragedy." I couldn't agree with this quote more. Tragedy changes you, whether you're willing to admit it or not. Perhaps in some ways it changes you for the worse but I believe in some ways it changes you for the better. It makes you a more thoughtful person, you acquire more depth to your personality. Living a life of rainbows and sunshine doesn't lead to a person with much else to offer.

There's a different emotional connection you can make with a person who has felt pain. It's hard to explain, but it's a much deeper feeling, I guess it's what real friendship feels like. Maybe those who haven't been touched by tragedy feel this with each other, but I guess I'll never know. Maybe it's the fact that we can relate to each other on a deeper level, even though our "tragedies" are completely incomparable, but my friends who have been through shit are much more on my wavelength than friends who haven't. I feel as if my friends who haven't are not quality friendships. It may just be a coincidence, that I can easily group them into these groups, but I think it may be a lot deeper than that.

I think your whole being, your whole personality changes when you go through something. Something clicks inside of you and you get a little bit more of a clearer view as to what exactly this life's about. But maybe I'm kidding myself, maybe we are all just collecting pain and the more we collect, the more lost we actually get. I guess there's two ways to look at it. But as much as I would love to just be oblivious and carefree, I think I value the lessons and hardships life has handed me. I think they have made me a stronger, more well rounded person. And in the end, I'd rather have depth to my personality and interesting stories than be someone who has danced through life without tripping.